YOUR THOUGHTS
06 February 2012: then and now
observations for today
new years resolutions doesn't work for me, so i'd rather go by the days and hope each day to do what i aim to do.
THEN- i had a settled life. 1 year at new work. i got a huge credit approval. i established my little business. i did exciting projects i never thought i could do. i went to places i've never been before. i did things out of the norm. i am becoming a red wine connoiseur. i tried white wines.
tolerance for alcohol is getting stronger. i gave dinner parties that lasted an impression on everyone's lips.
i sat at the piano, after years of shying away, and fell back in love with the way my fingers feel on the keys and the way the sound fills the walls. i took more risks. i finally took driving lessons. i bought a car. i sang in public. i let my hair grow. i tried on bridesmaid dresses. i was content with my hair colour. i wore skirts.
i asked for help. i cried. i prayed for strength. i gave my heart away and got it back, slightly scratched and bruised. i loved one person, i liked two other people, i learned that i could not be friends with the one i love. i let go. i said goodbye thru a song.
i gave to those who are in need. i said goodbye to some friends and welcomed new one's.
i forgave. i forgot. i remembered. i reminded. i tried to see the good in everything, every day, and i shared it with whomever wanted it. i missed my mom. i spent time with amazing friends. i learned a lot from these kindred spirits. (i'm still learning.)
i learned that time sometimes just needs to be not so important. i learned to relax (a bit). i befriended my bed. i saw a lot movies. i shared the movies that meant a lot to me. i am learning that i need to be around people who will enrich my life rather than cause misery.
i made a lot of mistakes and learned from it. i hope for a lot of things for myself and others.
i had a life.
NOW- i aim to do more.
to ponder onthis year i would like to learn to be less of a bitch.
yes. less of a bitch.
the other side of me not often seen by people is the manipulative person i am. if it doesnt go barbara's way, then it's no way at all.
i expect too much from everyone even myself.. only because i can see the potential everyone has around me, which sometimes they fail to see.
anyway, i want to relax a bit more, let people learn their own mistakes their own way.
i would like to be less caring that way, aloof , nonchalant.
i want to break that nasty habit of caring too much.
is there such thing as caring too much?
yes.
An excellent and groovy friend gave me a cool book for Christmas. In it was the following thought on life:
If we could be more like water - able to move over and around things yet still carve through solid rock. And when coming up against a natural dam, forms a peaceful lake until building up enough reserves to get over it and continue on again.
- posted by Andrew [email]
kahit pumayat dimo hiniling, hehehe! (biro lang! baka dimo ako pakainin)
masyado ka atang makata! really it boils down tobeing content diba! tamo ako, masaya na akong mag-almusal ng puto, grilled na bangus for lunch, palabok for meryenda, for dinner kahit andoks ok na rin. lalo nga ata akong nananaba ngayon, sobra takaw ko eh! kabilat kanan kain ko... pero alam mo Bamba, it doesn't taste as good as i thought! kaya wag ka ng manggalaiti dyan!
new one's! sino na naman yan! ang lola na-iinlove na naman ata sa iba! sige, i have to go na! ilang araw nalang ang nalalabi ko dito kaya sasagarin ko na!
luv, Joy
- posted by Joy [email]
i am happy for you barbara. you are doing well and living well. keep up the good work. glad to see you now know it is very easy to care too much and the consquences of it.
jan invites you and pete for a roudy dinner party on her soon to celebrate the new year.
- posted by terry
i think caring too much is indeed a nasty habit....it could drive one mad. i used to do it, and i slowly realized it was eating me up inside. as i grow older, i am learning to choose who my real friends are which helps me eliminate people in my life that i shouldn't give a crap about.
- posted by yvonne your cuz [email]
then- i was just watching'bend it like beckham' (bloody good movie for those who haven't watched it) when you asked me to read your journal.
then yet again- i read it.
now- i finished reading it, now am responding to it. if you hadn't picked up on that yet i advise you to get a new brain. Anyways, I'm glad someone has a life in this family! And since your so good at dinner parties... ummm... would you like to throw one for me around March 20 something? (Hint Hint Nudge Nudge) oh and (14B14)...and keep caring, when taken in small managable doses, it can give you a real high. "LATERS"
- posted by The other other sister [email]