YOUR THOUGHTS
06 February 2012: mr. darcy
observations for today
i had a dream about mr. big.. my good friend miss jane said this:
you are fixated on him (to use my freudian psychology).
you see him as the ultimate be all and end all of a man you want to be with that no-one can surpass though you have thought others could - it always goes back to him - the benchmark and your fixation - you have not emotionally moved on from the time you were with him and need to.
i know you have tried to deny this with your behaviour - like going crazy in bed with men, staying celibate and you have tried to have a relationship and though so far they haven't worked in the traditional sense, one will soon but you are still fixated and idolise him in too many ways though fewer as time goes on.
he is on the pedastal he has no right to be on - look at someone who you admire, could be a star, celebrity, person you know - and put them in his place so that you can see that as unrealistic to have someone up there unless they are someone who deserves this adoration and love and he does not but you won't replace him -
you are only remembering the good things and not all of the bad stuff...you must replace him with someone unattainable and of true value so that you can look at the attainable around you and take them on....
sorry biatch but we'll all have an intervention with you soon....xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
so i choose mr. darcy a.k.a Colin Firth.
why? he's always played the dashing man, soft yet powerful, sweet and cute, passionate and oh so sexy with that english accent.
take me and ravage me already mr. darcy!
i need someone like him - not in an unattainable way, but just someone who will be loyal, loving, stable, fidelity in heart, will give security that i also crave for.
and i want someone who will definitely love me just the way i am
to ponder onok, so i made a list of exactly i want and need from a man/relationship - it will be posted soon and i'm going to be realistic about it, so there's a lot of revisions to do and consolidating -
meanwhile.. tell me, did you have a list.. or did you go with the flow.. and when you did go with the flow did it work?
all i know right now is this:
I am attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled and free.
In love, I feel most alive when things are straight-forward and i'm told that i'm loved.
I'd like my partner to think and feel that I am loyal and faithful.
I would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
My ideal relationship is lasting. I want a relationship that looks to the future... one I can grow with.
I care about society and morality. I would never break a commitment.
I think of marriage as something I've always wanted... though I haven't really thought about it.
I think of love as something I thirst for. I know that I'll do anything for love, but I also know this time around I won't fall for it easily.
barbs love.. I agree with miss jane on the point that you have put 'wats his face' on a pedestal.. Although I have a different view on certain points... for me if 'wats his face' is Mr Big, it doesn't matter what you do, Collin Firth, Brad Pitt, etc- he'll haunt you until you finally met the next Mr Big.
I say this from experience- observe Mr M in my life- he's there he's my Mr Big, and continuous on being Mr Big until I met DC- at which point Mr M becomes Stanford, the male best friend that you can always count on, but not gay- is DC the new Big? Who knows.. All I can tell you is that- Let it go, let it flow. The more you fill up that list of standard the more you'd end up with the complete opposite.
Let me give you another piece of advice- HEAL YOURSELF FIRST- before getting involved. Nothing hurts more that being with someone you trully care and finding out you still haven't moved on from your past.. The past is like an anchor holding us back. You have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.. Love xox moi
- posted by morcheeba
I LOVE that last scene when Darcy wraps his coat around the hastily dressed Bridget. It is one of the most touching scenes ever.
*****
There was a time when I, too, made a list of traits I desired in a man. They were absolute perfection -- a businessman, knowledgeable in finances, intelligent, and the list goes on and on. I prayed hard for him because I had had a string of not-so-good relationships. I did get him in the end. But it didn't turn out well. I guess the man I pictured in my head wasn't right for me. And so I decided to just wait it out, enjoy life and prayed to God and St. Joseph to just let me know when the man they think best for me is there. Not long after, they sent me a beautiful man who became a good friend of mine. While he wasn't everything on my list, but he surpassed it. I realized who I thought was best for myself wasn't necessarily the guy I listed. The right guy caught me by surprise. We got married shortly after. Happy endings. Lists aren't bad but open yourself up to surprises. ;) Who knows what's around the corner? :)
- posted by Toni [www] [email]
Well duh, how come it takes ur friend ms jane for you to understnad what we have been sayign for the last two years? which i have said constantly- which you refuse to listen?
Does it take me referencing freudian psych for you to pay attention? How about if i mention developmental, cognitive, social and abnormal psych? Must i attain my psych degree before u listen to what people are saying?!?!? I love you dear sister but damn, you a stubborn bitch face! *YOU ALL KNOW IT!!!*
Yes, there were amazing times with A*, great eye opening times- but must i keep reiterating the fact that he was in the end a fuck face?? And i mean that in every literal way- he's horrid. Even with the great things he's shown you- you've blanked out all the crap he's done- or rationalised it to being solely your fault.
Everyone has a Mr. Big figure- but not everyone gets the real Mr. Big in the end- we all hope for the Mr. Darcy, and i hope you get it. You desreve a Mr. Dacry. But not a Mr. Darcy for a fill in for Mr. Big, or a Mr. Darcy that reminds you of MR. Big...
Jeez. Like i said before, you expect them to be like him, to have the same connection- and so far that same lovely connection at the beginning turns out to be volatile in the end. Maybe lower your expectation and stop comparing. Cos that's when things happen. When real close bonds and love happens... and hopefully now you can let go of Mr. A***...
- posted by The aNgRy Sisterhood
Hmmm...I do agree with Ms. Jane and Sisterhood has a point too. If there is one person who knows what you are going through right now is me. I seem to be on the same boat as you...trying so hard to fight off MR.BIG mentality. But it always comes back to you with a harder blow. You met someone hoping to be MR. DARCY and he turns out to be Mr. CLEAVER instead...what a JACKASS??!!! So now broken and disappointed you crawl back to your MR. BIG thinking. All we see are the good things he's done and happy memories he left. But come to think of it...he has flaws too. He broke our heart. We try so much to think about excuses on his flaws when he is no different from other FUCKED UP guys. It's going to take a lot of time to forget about MR. BIG...will definitely take a lot of work for you to trust and give yourself the way you did with him for other potential MR. DARCY. But I am damn proud of you honey for at least trying to move on. It's an everyday struggle just to keep your sanity and be hopeful of a great relationship. But as I said...maybe God is preparing you. When the time comes you meet the real MR. DARCY you are going to be perfect for him. Heal yourself...pray for him. Your time will come when God thinks it's time for you to be with THE ONE.
- posted by phoenixmayo [email]
hay nako! i told you lots of times before to listen to your sister...she is gonna be a great psychologist sometime soon...she is right...YOU NEVER LISTEN and you are one STUBBORN biatch...i don't have to tell you the things that were said about this topic before...we've had our share of late night convos and chats about this, and i really think that i've said everything under the sun that you needed to hear...but alas!...bff (me) doesn't know any fancy words such as "freudian psychology" so maybe that's why it never got through...anyways...i didn't have a list of things that i wanted in a man...i just went with the flow...hmmm...or maybe i just wasn't aiming as high as you were heheh (*evil laugh*)...but you know what...i found someone who is the perfect fit for me...not someone who came from the mould of a character from a tv show...i'm not dissing the whole "mr. big" thing here...i guess all i'm saying is that you gotta think which one is the best fit for you, not someone who falls into a category of "mr. whoever"... there is gonna be someone special for you out there and when i say special, it doesn't mean "anthony special"...and when he does show up, please ask yourself the question...is he a perfect fit for me? and not think if he fits the mr. darcy or the mr. big persona straight away...
PS : listen to your sister more, before she charges you for it! (it's gonna happen soon when she turns official!)
- posted by teddykiller