YOUR THOUGHTS
06 February 2012: intensity
observations for today
when you reveal yourself so deeply, you run the risk of being seen just as deeply-- of being interpreted,of being talked about, over and over again. you do this. you ask for it. you are not allowed to complain.
but what do you do when they miss the point entirely?
people just read me differently.
i wasn't sure how to handle that word.
i am too intense.
i was told that that's one of the reasons why things won't work-- i'm too intense.
so, what did i think about that? automatically i thought, what could make me less intense, should i act stupid. should i be less dominant? should i compromise more? go with the flow?
things that i am not? for a moment i thought of changing myself for someone. just to get their approval, and maybe for a second would give me another glance over.
you tell yourself things like he didn't deserve me anyway and he will miss me when i'm gone, but what you're really thinking is that you thought you deserved each other and you miss him already.
i was mad at myself for investing in something i knew i'd never possess.
it took me awhile to realise that I DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE FOR ANYONE.
take me as i am.
the funny thing, the absolutely fucking hilarious thing about it is that i have worked so hard to be who i am—to be who i am and like who i am.
to just be myself and believe that it is enough.
but with a few simple words and one disapproving look, it can ruin a lot things you know of yourself.
it took me awhile to realise that those who don't understand that about me doesn't deserve me at all. yes, i know it sounds selfish but sometimes you have to love and respect yourself before anyone else does.
i know that people are different, and i choose to be with people who could handle that intensity and challenge me back.
i respect them more that way.
It just hurts that i chose to share myself to people who doesn't appreciate that intensity.
to ponder onhave you ever changed yourself in some way, even the littlest thing to please someone?
was it worth it?
intensity......
hmmm.
Choose your path, baby!
Eleanor Roosevelt said that no-one has the right to make us feel inferior unless we allow them to.
If someone has called you intense, you can choose to see it as a put down and feel bad about it, or you can see it as an affirmation that even people different from you recognise your special qualities enough to be challeneged by them. and then , if they can't handle it, they hey - does that make you a bad person? No way - it's up to them to deal with things.
Change for someone......
double hmmmm.
Right now I'm divided about that - I tried changing over and over again and it didn't work because it wasn't constructive change. what I thought was helpful was really just reinforcing bad patterns in our relationship and only ever gave short term solutions. I'm a keen advocate for change, but now I need to look closely at the framework that is necessitating the change, and then decide if it is a good thing to do, or is actually destructive.
- posted by andrew [email]
what you have written has struck a cord with me as i'm absolutely sur it has with others. we do try to change ourselves because others do not accept us wholly as who we are. what we have to realise, as you have, is that it's not always about us. some people want others to change to make themselves feel better, whether that be them feeling less guilt, them feeling like a better person or just to make us feel bad so they feel better because they are jealous of some aspect of us or envious. what we need to do is look at ourselves from another's point of view, weigh up the changes and the consequences and weigh up the feelings of negativity or positivity that would ensue from any changes. when it all comes down to it, we are alone in this world to a degree and we have to make ourselves happy. this is the path you have chosen here - he is not worth changing for or leaning to with your heart. only those who inspire and bring fulfilling happiness should be allowed your richness of life and love in their hearts and souls.
be a little selfish. we all have to be. our sanity depends on it.
- posted by jane [email]
I agree with jane and andrew. I would add that you are an intense person who like others is susceptible to criticism. those who criticise you do not have you interests at heart. Those that do will always encourage you. Never buy into criticism. listen to it gain whatever you think there is to gain then put it right out of you mind. As I have previously stated you are perfect and in no need of change. Others must learn to accept you as you are. Women always make the mistake of attempting to change the one they. All that happens is they make them angry and resentful. I assume you are feeling angry and resentful also in relation to the criticism being levelled at you. It's all in the book Barbara. Seek and Ye shall find.
- posted by tb
I concur!
I can't tell you how many times people have called me too intense, too pushy, too demanding, too loud ... and then broken off with me.
I say that we spend far too much time moulding ourselves into someone who slips through these critical cracks and is liked and loved by all. Well, that's never going to happen, and it's really exhausting to your soul to try and make it so.
I yam what I yam. Stand up and call it what it is. Fuck the detractors.
- posted by Missjenjen [www] [email]
you have come a long way.... i used to think that we should try our best to be in harmony with everyone, with our friends, our family, all our loved ones, our work colleagues, the man who works at the milk bar on the corner, the woman who smiles at you on the bus.... the list is endless... and that is some indication of why it is just so damn impossible to change yourself for anyone else. and why should you? I used to get really hurt and pissed off when people would do things I didn't like, or disappointed me without meaning to... but then I realised, that most people can be incredibly selfish, but also they can know that ultimately, you can only count on yourself. I still do change to fit in with different people. but i think the more you get comfortable with yourself, the less it happens. because ultimately, you can't please everyone all the time... so you might as well just please yourself!
- posted by legend [email]